I'm a control freak, truth be told it has always been that way. Who knows exactly why, some would argue it's because I am the oldest child and that goes with the territory. Whatever the reason, it's something I am working on and the more I work on it the better I am at letting go.
Type A personalities or those often dubbed as control freaks or perfectionists seem to hold the common idea that no one can do what they need to do as good as them. This fact is illuminated when it comes to a passion project. It could be a business venture, a hobby they love, raising children or something as simple as redecorating a room.
There are many benefits to wanting to go all in and being intimately involved in very single aspect of something. You have the benefit of not being able to blame someone else if something sucks or goes wrong. You can take all the credit when things go right while making sure that every little thing is just exactly as you had planned. With a business this can allow you to keep costs low by doing most of what needs to be done yourself, in the ending saving you heaps of money or does it?
The downfall of trying to stay in control of everything is that is extremely exhausting. We don't benefit from those in our life that have skills to bring to the table. It utilizes most of our resources allowing little time for much else. Staying in control of everything can inhibit us from building trusting relationships with people in our inner circle.
Think about the parent that doesn't trust the teacher (I don't mean one not so good teacher that is not worthy of this roll) to teach and guide the student in the classroom environment. The constant trumping of the teachers roll can in fact make the teacher give less to the student because they don't want to fight the parent anymore.
In business this can lead to delayed project launches, disengaged and uninspired employees and actually cost your far more than you think you are saving by doing it all yourself. I know about this first hand, I have had huge projects that I tried to don every hat possible, thinking I know better than anyone else because it is MY baby. I thought I wasn't delayed correcting someone else's work, or paying someone to do it and everything would be just PERFECT.
What I learned about not being brave enough to lose control was that it prohibited me from creating a expert team that I could trust. That tool belt was empty and it was all my fault. I got the glory but I also got a huge delay, releasing something into the world that should have been done so much sooner. It impacted the areas that I did best because I was so darn tired trying to be the solo captain of the ship that should a stormy sea arise, the ship could in fact sink.
The power of losing control also applies to your spiritual life. In reality, other than our own actions we have little control over some circumstances we are faced with in life. We use all of our efforts to go outside to keep everything in a neat little box that we forget to go within. We don't polish up areas of life that can serve us like faith, patience and grace. We become less able ale to pivot if something unexpected happens.
The more we are able to see the power that exists in losing control so many areas of our life benefit. We see deeper bonds in our human relationships, business projects get launched faster and we begin to trust our own resilience and that adds calm to our spirit.
Several years ago if I was faced with a huge disappointment it would rock my world, leaving me feeling bummed out longer than it should. Frustration would lead to anger and as we know anger rarely leads anywhere. I am now able to pivot better, learning that a disappointment means something wasn't meant for me the way it was and I can work on making it something that would be.
The funny thing is, in losing control you actually gain so much more control over your life and peace of mind than you can imagine; It seems counterintuitive, but it's true.
Here are 4 Simple tip to help you embrace the power of losing control and feel free
1. DELEGATE, DELEGATE, DELEGATE
Start with one task you feel comfortable delegating to a person you trust delegating to. Start small, see how it goes and check in on yourself. Don't expect magic overnight, it's all about starting where you are.
2. Have A Conversation
If you would like to open up an area of your life more, share that with someone. I think most people are very understanding. So, if you have been a control freak with them in the past, acknowledge this fact with them and explain it is something you are working on. Good people will help you move mountains if you let them. The byproduct of the conversation can be a deeper human bond.
3. Examine The Worst Case Scenario
It is often our imagined mental hypothetical that can terrorize us. Once you go over what the worst case scenario is, and can sit with that comfortably it can relieve a tremendous amount of pressure. It is also a good place to gauge if this is the correct area to release control. This is not about going through the world willy nilly but about making intelligent decisions that work for you.
4. Practice Faith
When you find a way to practice faith, it pours into your personal power like a beautiful stream. Faith in you higher power, faith in nature, whatever faith means to you. Sitting in your house of worship, practicing meditation or getting outside for a walk are all great ways to practice faith. You can remind yourself that you are doing the best you can, if something isn't working out as you like you can gain valuable insight into what may need to be altered. It allows you to see what you truly have control over and what you don't; that alone can be calming.
These are only a few suggestions so feel free to come up with some of your own. I highly suggest you write down your pain point (an area you are deciding to work on) then review it monthly for a six month period to see your progress. Feel free to jot down any notes or irritations along the way. You will find that with mindful action, what felt like an impossibility today can become part of your new reality.
If you know someone that can benefit from this, please share it with them. As always leave your comments or opinions because your insights may just help someone else.