It is important to remember that a transition in life may or may not be chosen. Forced change can show up with the sudden loss of a loved, divorce or a loss of a job and these moments in life are more than what we call change. For many people these moments can feel very similar to death because the way they occur can be sudden and often devastating. It is important to recognize that a desired change and well calculated plan to do so is not the same as a sudden transition. A sudden transition can leave you feeling like your whole life is fallng apart. When we experience a sudden emotional blow to the head that sends us reeling we need to take time to regroup and consider our alternatives. However, this is often easier said than done because we don't have the time to plan for the fallout that a big life change can present so it makes us feel unprepared and afraid. We don't know what the hell happened and better yet have no idea where to even start to stop the nightmare. These are some things I have found useful for dealing with this scary part of life.
1. Reach out to family and friends
For some of you of you like myself this part may be very hard but it often proves to be a life saver. I am a private person so I have never been great with sharing my day to day life or relationship problems. Many of us grow up with the idea of dealing with everything ourselves. Most importantly, when it comes to relationships we all know how devastating a negative word against our partner can be because many people never forget it. That is why it is very important to confide in people you trust, those that really want the best for you and are not overly judgmental. Yes, sometimes this can be hard if not impossible to do but one person is better than no person, so keep that in mind.
2. Lay off the sauce
No, not BBQ sauce, I am talking about wine, beer whatever your pleasure. I understand that for some having a drink can take the edge off and numb the pain but it is something that is temporary. More often than not, we wake up the next day feeling worse about ourselves. In the moment it may feel like a relief, however alcohol is a tricky beast that starts as an "I don't give a damn" stimulant to a "what happened to my life" depressive. Fun in moderation, hell in transition. I enjoy a good time but I know all to well the ass we can make of ourselves drinking when in bad place and the crap we feel when we wake up and know we want better.
3. Give your time to Good
If you have free time why not volunteer some of the awesome skills you have. It's a great way to meet positive people and give you some feel good meaning during a hard time. If you ask friends and family or reach out to coworkers I bet there is a cause that is dying for your help. If you don't know where to start there are many weekend charities looking for a hand. This was a lifesaver for me. I began to listen and found that there where causes that needed my unique talents and they didn't require some perfection they were just happy to have my time. I started saying yes more and spending a day or evening of service made me feel good about myself and they opened me up to a world of positive people doing awesome things. I made some great use of my free time and I felt amazing doing it. It made me realize I should have been doing this all along. Sometimes chaos requires a distraction and I can't think of one better than offering up your service. It fills you and the world up and it just may lead to other opportunities in your future.
4. Stop trying to figure it all out now
Transition can give you amazing moments of growth but it can also be frustrating as hell. We are conditioned to figure our everything and our friends and familiy uttering the constant question of "what are you going to do" don't help. What we must remember is we don't need to have it all figured out. It's a process, we need to be kinder to ourselves than we have ever been. We must resist the temptation to feel pressured to have life all figured out and be okay with the unknown. Ultimately things unfold and a new journey begins but that timeline cannot come by force. Being present, kind and aware is all we can aid in the process.
If we are mindful of the process and use this as an opportunity to grow, we can actually come out of a difficult time stronger than we were before.
If you have any tips or comments please share them below as I would be honored to hear from you.