Shannon Simone Miller - self care https://www.shannonmiller.me/tags/self-care en Stop being so hard on yourself it may be making you sick https://www.shannonmiller.me/2015/08/28/stop-being-so-hard-on-yourself-it-may-be-making-you-sick <div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Many of us grow up learning that we need to keep pushing forward, at all times and at all costs. But when do we recognize that we need a break and let ourselves be okay with that? In the pursuit of success and our dreams many of us fail to listen to our bodies and minds and allow ourselves a much needed  timeout from all that we are doing. We keep working when we are sick for fear that we will be left behind or that the world just won't be able to get on without us. Trust me, it can and it will, in fact the world benefits from the best version of you and that comes with taking care of yourself.</p> <p> </p><div class="media-element-container media-full"> <div id="file-31" class="file file-image file-image-jpeg"> <h2 class="element-invisible"><a href="/file/31">www.shannonmiller.me_signup_tips.jpg</a></h2> <div class="content"> <span id="styles-15-0" class="styles file-styles large"> <img width="480" height="480" id="15" typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://www.shannonmiller.me/sites/default/files/styles/large/public/www.shannonmiller.me_signup_tips.jpg?itok=D-KK6XlG" alt="" title="" /></span> </div> </div> </div> <p>I am writing this at the tail end of what was a nasty bug of some type. I was worn out, sneezing and exhausted and yet slimming down what I was doing was a real mental challenge. Somewhere deep down I felt like I should be doing more. So, the typical dialogue ensues, I should... (yes, DOT, DOT, DOT ) you know the drill.</p> <p>You forgot to pick up the milk from the grocery? Unbelievable! Dinner gets burned, <em>oh the horror</em>, how could we let this happen. We should have known to check the oven 10 minutes earlier, despite juggling fifty other things. In some unrealistic way we often have super human expectations of ourselves and it is making many of us sick. We can get mentally and emotionally sick compliments of the pile of stress we place on ourselves. We have  expectations we would not expect from a friend or family member but somehow we expect from ourselves.</p> <blockquote><p>The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. -Anna Quindlen</p> </blockquote> <p>We must honor our need to dial things down a bit at times. Treat yourself like you would a friend, you should consider yourself your first best friend and treat yourself as such. When you feel worn out and frazzled ask yourself, "would I expect this of my friends or family?"  If the answer is no, then take time to pause and take some steps to be kind to yourself.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>Stop being so hard on yourself with these 4 Tips</strong></p> <p> </p> <p>1. <strong>Stop comparing yourself to others</strong></p> <p>Have you ever really met the Joneses? Me neither and if you did I am not too sure you would want to be friends with them anyway. Someone will always have more or less stuff, knowledge or time than do you. Comparing yourself to others is a sure fire way to add more stress to your life. It is the first ingredient in being hard on yourself. Don't do it.</p> <p>2. <strong>Say NO to tasks that are not vital</strong></p> <p>Your plates is full so saying no to  tasks that are not vital can lighten your load and remove some stress. It will give you the ability to complete what matters most leaving you with a sense of accomplishment.</p> <p>3.<strong> Allow yourself downtime</strong></p> <p>Take a nap, get outside to enjoy the sunshine, pick up a book or dive into a hobby that you haven't let yourself enjoy in a while. You work hard and you deserve time to enjoy life, give yourself permission and make it a priority.</p> <p> 4. <strong>Disconnect from technology</strong></p> <p>Put down your cell phone, walk away from Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. Give yourself at least one full day a month (a week would be ideal but let's start small) disconnecting from these constant sources of noise.  Allow your head to have some calm and clarity without the streams of activity and action flooding your weary mind. (See #1) As my dear friend Tania Mulry would say " You need a digital detox."  The non-stop connection with technology has become an epidemic, so much so that Tania did a TedX talk on the very issue. <a href="http://ddx-media.com/our-founder-tania-mulry-gives-a-tedx-talk/">You can watch it here.</a></p> <p> Just remember you are not here to play superman or superwomen you are here to play you. Embrace your triumphs and me kind to yourself, you deserve it.</p> <p> </p> <h2>Did you enjoy these tips? If so please comment &amp; share the good stuff.</h2> </div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-video field-type-file field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><div id="file-55" class="file file-video file-video-youtube"> <h2 class="element-invisible"><a href="/file/55">How To Stop Being So Hard On Yourself</a></h2> <div class="content"> <div class="media-youtube-video media-youtube-1"> <iframe class="media-youtube-player" width="640" height="390" title="How To Stop Being So Hard On Yourself" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/3KvG9bL2-7A?wmode=opaque&controls=" name="How To Stop Being So Hard On Yourself" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen>Video of How To Stop Being So Hard On Yourself</iframe> </div> </div> </div> </div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-embedded-video field-type-file field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><span class="file"><img class="file-icon" alt="File" title="video/youtube" src="/modules/file/icons/video-x-generic.png" /> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KvG9bL2-7A" type="video/youtube; length=0">How To Stop Being So Hard On Yourself</a></span></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/life" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">life</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/success" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">success</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/self-care" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">self care</a></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-related-article field-type-entityreference field-label-above"><div class="field-label">You may also like:&nbsp;</div><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/2014/10/20/4-reasons-why-its-vitally-important-to-honor-your-me-time-to-recharge-now">4 Reasons Why It&#039;s vitally important To Honor Your Me Time To Recharge Now</a></div></div></div> Fri, 28 Aug 2015 07:37:08 +0000 Shannon 31 at https://www.shannonmiller.me https://www.shannonmiller.me/2015/08/28/stop-being-so-hard-on-yourself-it-may-be-making-you-sick#comments How to get the most out of life by being your true self in every situation https://www.shannonmiller.me/2015/05/22/how-to-get-the-most-out-of-life-by-being-your-true-self-in-every-situation <div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>I do it, you do it, we all do it. Putting on a different mask for every different role we play in life. I could say that we should never alter our behavior depending on the situation but that wouldn't be realistic or make any sense. We have a lot of pressures, as people, we are not one dimensional and we all wear many different hats. How we are in the bedroom will never be the same as how we are in the boardroom. The you that volunteers is not the same person that may go out for a wild night. We need all of these components to make us feel whole and we need them most of all to feel alive. The problem comes with the confusion we experience when we feel like we are all of these things. Responsible and organized, passionate and driven, relaxed and vulnerable, lazy and carefree even careless and wild.</p> <p> </p><div class="media-element-container media-full"> <div id="file-22" class="file file-image file-image-png"> <h2 class="element-invisible"><a href="/file/22">instaquote-15-05-2015-06-39-47.png</a></h2> <div class="content"> <span id="styles-5-0" class="styles file-styles large"> <img width="480" height="480" id="5" typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://shannonmiller.me/sites/default/files/styles/large/public/instaquote-15-05-2015-06-39-47.png?itok=O8qsjbZS" alt="" title="" /></span> </div> </div> </div> <p> </p> <p>Have you ever gone out with your friends and had a crazy night, cut loose and acted in ways that you may have when you were younger? In the moment you loved it,  whatever  it was, dancing, laughing having a drink or doing something you think only your younger self would have done. If you haven't had these experiences I bet you think about them. But what happens  the morning after?  If you are comfortable with your multi facets you may revel in an amazing night. Some of you may just chalk it up to a rare occurrence that is so far outside of you that you would rather file it away in your mind.</p> <p>The truth is, that mentality is a type of self sabotage because almost every person wants and needs to express their multi dimensions. The problem is we take on some idea from society that being us and just being isn't okay so we feel guilty and we don't allow ourselves to be expressive and free. I  am by no means saying to run off and abandoned your responsibilities, what I am saying, is, in order to be the complete version of ourselves we need to allow our entire being to feel joy and exist.</p> <p>Perfect example, a guy meets a beautiful woman when he is out. He is drawn to her smile and energy but he is also drawn to her sexiness and sensuality, then, when he gets her, he now  asks her to behave and dress differently which causes pain, confusion and many power struggles. The person he met was expressing a part of herself that is now being requested to change because he is afraid. She may well adapt to the request but unless she makes a modification by her own choosing there will forever be a part of her that feels like something she did or is, is wrong. If she is able to, she may have a conversation with him so she can be her true self.</p> <p>What happens with all of us,  is that we feel so afraid of being judged  by our partners, society, bosses and friends that we alter who we are to be accepted. The tricky problem is that since it is not of our own doing it will never feel right. It can cause us to get further and further  away from ourselves. We may  wake up one day wondering how we got here and who we are. We were so worried about making others happy that we didn't allow our own light to shine through anymore and that can lead to a huge feeling of disconnect and disenchantment.</p> <p>This is very similar in our work, we go in full throttle, bravely selling ourselves with gusto yet once we settle in we become afraid to rock to boat. We stop taking the initiative, stop  speaking up, many times we become afraid to be a leader because we want to go with the flow. That may serve its purpose for  a short period or in some cases years;  The most scary reality is when it becomes a person's total life. They awaken one day with a wallet full of regrets that no one wants to cash in for them. The surest way to fulfillment and joy is to understand that whatever we are, we are that person in everything we do, we are simply using different tools in our tool chest for different jobs.</p> <p>So how the heck do we remain true to ourselves in each situation we experience? Checking in with how you are feeling will give you the best indicator of how true you are being to yourself. Without being reckless or disrespectful ask yourself how you would function if you had no barriers or concerns about how you would be perceived. Listen to your body, when you are in alignment with your authentic self you feel the fullest and freest. If that feels like it has been a while, then think back to a time you felt the most vibrant in your life.</p> <p>Our physiology offers us so many clues to what we need if we just listen. In what parts of your life do you not feel like you are being your authentic self? What are your biggest fears and worries? What would the benefits be for working through these blocks? What would the costs be if you don't? If you lived your life just as you were forever would you be able to say at the end of it that you lived your most fulfilled life? If you answered yes then you are on the right track,  if you have room improvement like we all do, then think about  what you would need to change now to get on the right track ? Take some time to think about and write out a list of answers. Then,  review your list periodically to make adjustments and see how you are doing. This exercise can keep you motivated and focused  on learning to be your true self. Use your list often and let yourself enjoy this  life as you truly are.</p> </div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/self-care" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">self care</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/life" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">life</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/joy" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">Joy</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/happiness" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">happiness</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/motivation" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">motivation</a></div></div></div> Fri, 22 May 2015 23:10:31 +0000 Shannon 20 at https://www.shannonmiller.me https://www.shannonmiller.me/2015/05/22/how-to-get-the-most-out-of-life-by-being-your-true-self-in-every-situation#comments What you need to know when your life falls apart [4 Tips to help you survive transition] https://www.shannonmiller.me/2015/03/25/what-you-need-to-know-when-your-life-falls-apart-4-tips-to-help-you-survive-transition <div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>It is important to remember that a transition in life may or may not be chosen. Forced change can show up with the sudden loss of a loved, divorce or a loss of a job and these moments in life are more than what we call change. For many people these moments can feel very similar to death because the way they occur can be sudden and often devastating. It is important to recognize that a desired change and well calculated plan to do so is not the same as a sudden transition. A sudden transition can leave you feeling like your whole life is fallng apart. When we experience a sudden emotional blow to the head that sends us reeling we need to take time to regroup and consider our alternatives. However,  this is often easier said than done because we don't have the time to plan for the fallout that a big life change can present so it makes us feel unprepared and afraid. We don't know what the hell happened and better yet have no idea where to even start to stop the nightmare. These are some things I have found useful for dealing with this scary part of life.</p> <p><strong><br /> <div class="media-element-container media-full"> <div id="file-17" class="file file-image file-image-png"> <h2 class="element-invisible"><a href="/file/17">transition-sky.png</a></h2> <div class="content"> <span id="styles-1-0" class="styles file-styles large"> <img width="480" height="360" id="1" typeof="foaf:Image" src="https://shannonmiller.me/sites/default/files/styles/large/public/transition-sky.png?itok=p_0wV1U7" alt="" title="" /></span> </div> </div> </div> <p></p></strong></p> <p><strong>1. Reach out to family and friends</strong></p> <p>For some of you of you like myself this part may be very hard but it often proves to be a life saver. I am a private person so I have never been great with sharing my day to day life or relationship problems. Many of us grow up with the idea of dealing with everything ourselves. Most importantly, when it comes to relationships we all know how devastating a negative word against our partner can be because many people never forget it. That is why it is very important to confide in people you trust, those that really want the best for you and are not overly judgmental. Yes, sometimes this can be hard if not impossible to do but one person is better than no person, so keep that in mind.</p> <p><strong>2. Lay off the sauce</strong></p> <p>No, not BBQ sauce, I am talking about wine, beer whatever your pleasure. I understand that for some having a drink can take the edge off and numb the pain but it is something that is temporary. More often than not, we wake up the next day feeling worse about ourselves. In the moment it may feel like a relief, however alcohol is a tricky beast that starts as an "I don't give a damn"  stimulant to a "what happened to my life" depressive. Fun in moderation, hell in transition. I enjoy a good time but I know all to well the ass we can make of ourselves drinking when in  bad place and the crap we feel when we wake up and know we want better.</p> <p><strong>3. Give your time to Good</strong></p> <p>If you have free time why not volunteer some of the awesome skills you have. It's a great way to meet positive people and give you some feel good meaning during a hard time. If you ask friends and family or reach out to coworkers I bet there is a cause that is dying for your help. If you don't know where to start there are many weekend charities looking for a hand. This was a lifesaver for me. I began to listen and found that there where causes that needed my unique talents and they didn't require some perfection they were just happy to have my time. I started saying yes more and spending a day or evening of service made me feel good about myself and they opened me up to a world of positive people doing awesome things. I made some great use of my free time and I felt amazing doing it. It made me realize I should have been doing this all along. Sometimes chaos requires a distraction and I can't think of one better than offering up your service. It fills you and the world up and it just may lead to other opportunities in your future.</p> <p><strong>4.  Stop trying to figure it all out now</strong></p> <p>Transition can give you amazing moments of growth but it can also be frustrating as hell. We are conditioned to figure our everything and our friends and familiy uttering the constant question of "what are you going to do" don't help. What we must remember is we don't need to have it all figured out. It's a process, we need to be kinder to ourselves than we have ever been. We must resist the temptation to feel pressured to have life all figured out and be okay with the unknown. Ultimately things unfold and a new journey begins but that timeline cannot come by force. Being present, kind and aware is all we can aid in the process.</p> <p>If we are mindful of the process and use this as an opportunity to grow, we can actually come out of a difficult time stronger than we were before.</p> <p>If you have any tips or comments please share them below as I would be honored to hear from you.</p> </div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/life" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">life</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/transition" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">transition</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/self-care" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">self care</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/change" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">change</a></div></div></div> Wed, 25 Mar 2015 19:55:39 +0000 Shannon 15 at https://www.shannonmiller.me https://www.shannonmiller.me/2015/03/25/what-you-need-to-know-when-your-life-falls-apart-4-tips-to-help-you-survive-transition#comments 4 Reasons Why It's vitally important To Honor Your Me Time To Recharge Now https://www.shannonmiller.me/2014/10/20/4-reasons-why-its-vitally-important-to-honor-your-me-time-to-recharge-now <div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>So,  it's Sunday afternoon and I have the house to myself for a few hours. I was eager to relax, read, get a little writing done or meditate. I wasn't too sure yet which one, but I was sure that whatever it was it had to help me get back to center and get ready for a new week;  I needed to recharge. Then it happened...the dreaded ringing phone, as it blares from the other room I start to feel a little bit of unease creeping into my mellow moment. My first instinct was to ignore it, but curiosity beckoned me to the other room to check the missed call. Had it been from one of my sisters I may have flopped on the bed and chatted and laughed for a little bit. Goofing off and laughing is still me time and so, that would have been just fine for a  few moments. However, the call was from a good friend but this good friend also likes to talk about work and business so it's a bit of a working relationship and I knew that this was not the type of call that would be honoring my Me Time so I could recharge now. Just the thought of it at the moment started to make me feel tired. What I need for these calls is usually enthusiasm and creativity and today what I needed was to chill out and do something to recharge so I had that type of good stuff to add to the world. That meant saying no, no to picking it up, no to calling back today; Not even in an hour or two. I,  like many of you often wrestle with these type of obligations, the mental guilt trip my type A self battles with all the time. Showing up and being present for people is always important,  but the truth is, the first person we all need to show up for first and foremost is ourselves. I have also been working hard to make Sunday a no work day unless it is a creative endeavor that will serve me. I am working to protect Sunday to keep it as the day of rest and reflection as it should be. My Sunday can be your Monday, whatever day it is for you make it matter.</p> <p> </p><div class="media-element-container media-full"> <div id="file-29" class="file file-image file-image-jpeg"> <h2 class="element-invisible"><a href="/file/29">RestMeia.jpg</a></h2> <div class="content"> <span id="styles-1-0" class="styles file-styles large"> <img width="480" height="360" id="1" typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://www.shannonmiller.me/sites/default/files/styles/large/public/RestMeia.jpg?itok=mSgiEgjC" alt="" title="" /></span> </div> </div> </div> <p>1.  <strong>RECHARGE- </strong>When you honor your me time to you allow yourself to recharge your batteries. This can lower your stress levels and add a deeper level of calm to your life. You can read a book or take a nap, how you do it doesn't matter as long as you do it.</p> <p>2.  <strong>REFLECT-</strong>   When you honor your me time to recharge now you allow some quiet space to reflect. Reflection can come through meditation, exercise or spending time on a hobby or cause that fills you up. When you have time to reflect you are able to see and feel where you are at and what is working and what is not. It allows openness to thought and ideas that is difficult to access in the everyday of go, go, go.</p> <p>3. <strong>RESPECT-  </strong>When you honor your me time to recharge now you practice acts of love and respect toward yourself. Being kind to yourself is priority one and can help you learn to surround yourself with people that respect you too.</p> <p>4.  <strong>RENEW- </strong>When you honor your me time and take the time to <strong>RECHARGE, REFLECT &amp; RESPECT</strong> yourself, you are allowing time for your body and mind to experience renewal. We all need mental and physical rest, without it we will not be able to operate joyfully at the levels that we desire.</p> <p>It's not easy to To Honor Your Me Time so you can recharge now, but if you listen to your intuition and start to be mindful of honoring time for yourself (<em>and actually put it in to practice)</em> the dividends will be well worth the adjustment.</p> </div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/alphabets-of-life" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">alphabets of life</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/creativity" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">creativity</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/recharge" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">recharge</a></div><div class="field-item odd"><a href="/tags/rest" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">rest</a></div><div class="field-item even"><a href="/tags/self-care" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">self care</a></div></div></div> Mon, 20 Oct 2014 18:52:26 +0000 Shannon 13 at https://www.shannonmiller.me https://www.shannonmiller.me/2014/10/20/4-reasons-why-its-vitally-important-to-honor-your-me-time-to-recharge-now#comments